Ngl the "sooo pretty girlll" with four hearts is a war crime I would also hide my phone over. My version was commenting "gorgeous babe!!!" under like 20 pics in a row in 2011, which basically means I was running a full time job as everyone's hype man. At least the duck lips only lasted a few months, those comments are forever and Facebook even shows the date so you can watch yourself peak at being thirsty for likes. Funny part is we all thought we were being so sweet and now it reads like a desperate audition tape for friendship. The pics we can blame on being young and dumb, the comments we gotta blame on being young and really, really needy.

That matches what I've been seeing too, and I'd take it a step further: the jump cuts might actually be training your viewers to leave. Like every time you chop the frame, you're giving their brain a tiny exit ramp, a little moment to think "ok I could click away now." With one long take there's no seam to slip out of, so they just stay locked in because leaving feels like interrupting something. I've noticed the same thing with thumbnails too, the busier ones do worse than a plain shot of a face, so maybe the whole point is less stuff competing for attention, not more. The hard part is trusting that a boring edit is actually working when it feels like you're doing nothing.